(Doing it for myself)
My face is looking old. I observe this in photos more than in mirrors.
I tell myself, 'You can let yourself get old now. He's not here to see.'
Perhaps he would have continued to see me as beautiful, as he always did. But I still would have worried about turning old and ugly in his eyes as well as my own ... even though he still looked beautiful to me, no matter how aged he also looked.
Now, though, if I turn into a wizened old crone — as I suppose I must — who cares?
However, I still put on my make-up (albeit minimal) when I'm going out. I still dress nicely, and take an interest in my clothes. It's not just for the sake of keeping up appearances — I'm far too nonconformist for that — so it must be for me. I realise it must always have been for me, even when I hoped it would please him too.
It's the same with things in my home. (How readily now I say 'my' instead of 'our'.) Today, when changing the sheets, I started thinking about the way I always tried to match blankets to sheets and quilts. Now I feel less inclined, although I still do it. It struck me that this had been a foolish practice all those years, as he didn't seem to notice such things anyway.
But then I remembered when Bill (previous husband) and I bought our first house, and lived in it some months with horribly garish walls until we could afford to repaint. Only after we had done that did we realise the source of the stress, poor sleep and irritability we had been experiencing. One's environment really does matter, even if it seems to be just a background. It's subliminal, and it does have an effect.
So it was important for Andrew that I did those little things to make our home aesthetically pleasing. It was important that I did them for both of us, and it's still important that I do them for me.
I like this Rosemary, a lot. You very likely will have some visitors. Not to impress, but you will want to feel nice about the surroundings you have made for the both (or several) of you to visit.
ReplyDeleteYour Six Words are very searching aren't they؟؟
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Good point, Jim! I do get visitors, and they say they enjoy my home.
DeleteTaking care of yourself and your home is important; it shows you truly care about yourself and that you are emotionally healthy. Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the reassurance.
DeleteRosemary, im getting up there too, and every day I look in the mirror and think, well nothing has fallen off yet, and am grateful. One thing i've noticed in friends who are older than I, the ones I like are the ones with humor, and grace, and energy. They don't fuss over themselves much, and pretty much accept what happens as what happens. Its now about what goes on behind the eyes that matters, so much more than the wrinkly stuff.
ReplyDeleteAnd taking pains with ourselves is important, if only for our own self esteem. I think if we matter to ourselves, it shows, and then we matter to other people as well.
Lovely 6WS, for sure.
Thank you for these wise words! Also, see my reply to Grace, below.
DeleteSo beautiful - I feel all the emotions, I am sorry he can't see the aging as I am sure he'd think it beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI think you're right, and that in itself is empowering.
DeleteRosemary, I came to read your words for my comment. But in reading them again and the new comments I wanted to share with you that since we are in London now we ride the Tube (subway) a lot.
ReplyDeleteMore times than not a younger person, man or woman or child, will offer me his seat. They may do that also in Texas but I don't ride the busses. No subways in Texas.
Evidently my lines are starting to show too.
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I guess so, Jim - but glad it comes with perks. :-D
DeleteYour appearance is about taking pride in yourself, Rosemary, and is natural for most women, as is wanting the home to look good. Men really don't seem to care much about these things. The differences are part of why we love them, aren't they?
ReplyDeleteThis is a touching piece, love. You're doing a great job at carrying on without him. He would be proud.
Bless you - and bless him too - yes he would. He always was, even for the most ordinary of my accomplishments.
DeleteHello Rosemary,
ReplyDeleteBeauty, age, environment it's always more or less about us first, and I think it's has to be, because once you love what you see in the mirror, around us, others see it like we see it. They don't always say it so, they don't always like what we like but at least they feel the good vibes we have put in it inconsciously. This is how I see things. I can't really share much about face changing with age and all that beauty stuff, I do use make up and fancy dress but as I told a girl I met on you tube who is make up addict, I do it for conventions. It's like a courtesy, since I don't leave in an island there are things to do when you work with others. Am I clear ? I feel like my words are confused? I hope you'll understand me dear.
Happy (late) SWS !
Grace
I understand you, Grace. Your words are clear. And I love the way you always understand me!
DeleteI think I must find a way to see and love the beauty in an ageing face, too. Or in my own specifically, since I can see it in others. As mittens suggests, it's all about character, and perhaps one can only see one's own as reflected by other people.
i know a man, a very sweet man, met him online. He's funny, charming, gentle. Ive only ever seen him on a webcam (no no no just his face, lol) and he is adorable,. He shows his age, and he's a bit podgy, and a bit bald, but it bothers him far more than it does me. It's all in our perception, our attitude, the way we move through the corridors and the crowds. Smile, Rosemary. I guarantee people will smile back. That smile alone could light up rooms.
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