Or is it that I keep turning a series of corners? But this feels like a big one.
Two things happened. A new friend visited. We had a cuppa and a chat. Suddenly I was pouring out the trauma of Andrew's final weeks — the sudden collapse, the hospitalisation, the move to the nursing home, his death. I sobbed; the floodgates opened. I was a little embarrassed, a trifle apologetic, but not excessively. I must have needed it, I thought. She received it all sympathetically, and gave me a big hug afterwards; truly a new friend.
That was nine days ago. I'm sure it was indeed necessary, and helpful. I think it had to happen before I could begin to heal. If so, it couldn't have been more timely.
The other thing that happened is that, three days ago, another friend volunteered to give me a remarkable spiritual healing. Since then I haven't been feeling such intense pain about Andrew's death. I expect it with the usual triggers, but it doesn't come. There's grief, but not anguish.
It's not even six months yet, not quite. I am astounded to find myself sitting here so calm, so normal, in my situation. But, I must say, it is a great relief.
Grief is different for everyone...but it does take time to adjust to life without the ones we love. My friend has been alone now for 6 years and she still grieves sometimes. Yet another friend has been alone for two years and she is doing great! 6 months isn't really very long...so I think it is good to know that you are feeling better. Glad your friend could listen...and share hugs with you. Take care! Linda
ReplyDeleteI expect I'll always grieve somewhat. I still cry, but I am not feeling any more the literal, physical heartaches that I was experiencing along with the thought of him.
DeleteEveryday will keep bringing you closer to the understanding and peace of it all.... wishing you happy days ahead.
ReplyDeleteYes, I guess so — a long period of bit-by-bit adjustment.
DeleteI am happy that you are finding peace, and in that strength.
ReplyDeleteOh Dear, Rosemary. I didn't know. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I will pray for you tonight, for your strength and comfort in the Lord.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Linda, grief is diffeent with different people. My friend lost his wife about two months ago but seemed to be recovering very nicely within a week.
One thing similar to your situation, his wife was sick with a known terminal disease for about three years before her death. He had those three years to be living in expectation.
He has been playing golf, singing in the choir, attending church, and other social doings pretty much right after his wife's death. They were such loving couple, I know he does miss her very much still and always.
God bless you, Rosemary,
..
Thank you for the prayers; much appreciated.
DeleteI actually did better for the first few weeks than later. Keep an eye on your friend!
I find the stages of grief don't go in an orderly linear progression but tumble all over the place. I'm just glad right now not to be hurting so much. I think writing it all out as I do must help, too, in moving through it.
Glad you've found help, Rosemary. I am currently watching the slow death of a good friend's husband, and if it's torture for me, I cannot imagine what it must do to her.
ReplyDelete