Is My Girl Leaving Me Soon?

My little furry girl, that is: my cat, Freya. She seems well enough in most respects, but she's pissing blood.

Yesterday I took her and her brother, Levi, to the vet. I didn't know which one had, as I thought, bloody faeces. After tests, the vet didn't know for sure either, but thought probably Levi. She recommended a white diet (chicken) for both for a few days, and wormed them in case it was due to intestinal parasites. 

But today I saw Freya use her litter tray and now know for certain that it's her, and that the blood is in her urine.

Both were diagnosed, maybe three years ago, with incipient kidney disease and put on a special diet. They've done well until now, but this is not a good sign! 

The vet is shut until Monday. I could take her all the way to the Cabarita vet tomorrow — indeed, could have done so today — but why subject her to such a long trip, when she hates car travel? I don't think it's the same sort of emergency as if she'd had a tick bite or something. She is full of energy, shows no sign of pain, and appears quite happy. I think she must be dying, and I don't know how long that is likely to take, but I don't think she will go tomorrow. 

So I'll phone up on Monday and take it from there. Meanwhile I am trying to harden myself to the thought of losing her. Once again, as with my husband, it's about quality of life. I'll have to wait and see what the vet says, but I certainly don't want to prolong her life beyond the point where she can be both comfortable and independent. She's a very independent little soul!

In one month it will be a year since Andrew died. As I have repeatedly said, the cats have helped to keep me functioning and grounded since then. I know they are elderly and have health problems, and can't go on forever, but I had hoped for longer — just as I did with him. With our grown-up kids and our grandchildren all living far away, those cats have been our family. (Freya is also my 'familiar', the one who lends her presence and energy to any sacred or healing work. When I held meditations, she would sit in a chair and join the circle. When I gave a Reiki treatment, she would come and lie alongside the client. And so on.) It will be a blow to lose her.

I am well aware of animal ghosts, and animal reincarnation too, but there is no substitute for a physical presence. However, it is good to know that physical death is not the end.

A few days ago my friend Heather, who is very psychic, came and had a cuppa with me. After a while she said, 'Andrew's around. I just saw him standing at the end of the passage there and looking into this room, as if he might often have done that.' She had not visited this house previously, but of course she was right. He would come from either the bedroom or his office to do so.

In the few days before that, I had felt as if he was living here again. Instead of this thought making me cry as soon as I realised it was not so, I stayed happy. I didn't ever feel, in those few days, that it was not so, no matter what my head was telling me. When Heather saw him, that was the icing on the cake, the verification.  

Now I am wondering if he came back to remind me that there is after-life, in preparation for Freya's departure. In the past, when someone leaves, I have had this sort of confirmation before the event.

Well, whatever happens, he will be glad to spend time with the cats and they with him. And I guess I'll still have my family around me, in one form or another. Funny how, just now, that doesn't stop the tears.