Incidentally, what I say here is no longer true – I've adapted – but I think the post is an interesting record of one stage of the journey.]
In truth, I'd like Andrew. But of course, I wouldn't like him confused, helpless and in pain, which was where he was headed if he'd stuck around. Equally of course, he is still around, just not in the flesh.
I'd like someone who is still on this plane.
I don't mean a lover. I'm still in love with Andrew. Also I'm 74; lust is not the matter of urgency it once was. (Then too, I confess that my beautiful body might not be quite so enticing any more.)
I'd like a good friend to talk to. I have lots of very good friends to talk to, but I'd like a companion, someone to take a close interest in all my trivia (and I his) beyond the way girlfriends do. I mean of course someone with whom there could be the sort of mental intimacy there was with Andrew. I don't know if that's even possible.
And I'd like a nice, presentable man to go out with, and to take on visits to my friends. I think specifically of certain dear friends who used to ask Andrew and me to all their dinner parties as a matter of course. They still keep up the tradition of asking me on special occasions like xmas — but now they don't ask me to the same dinner parties as everyone else. They ask me in company with a certain single, impoverished elderly man they've known a long time. No they're not match-making; it's more that we are the charity cases and they lump us together. I don't think they are even aware of this — it would be more like, "Who can we have over with X? Oh yes, Y. Kill two birds with one stone."
Mean of me to think so, perhaps, when they are so kind as to feed me sumptuously, and they too are there as part of the conversation. (Just as well; their other guest and I have nothing much to say to each other.) I would never say a word to them about it, because they have truly been good friends in many ways over the years, and still are. But it would be so nice, next time they invite me, to ask, "May I bring a friend?" and turn up with some highly presentable gentleman in tow!
I wouldn't want someone to move in with me. If I can't have Andrew, I like my autonomy. I've always preferred to be with men who go off and do their own thing fairly often and leave me to do mine. (That was what was so good about being with another writer. Andrew and I could go off and do our own things under the same roof, every day.) It'd be nice, though, if he lived fairly close, so we wouldn't have to make expeditions to spend time together.
And of course we'd have to have lots of interests and values in common. How many shamans / poets of the right age group can I expect to find in a small town? If they were here, I'd more than likely know them already. Perhaps I'll just settle for a left-wing greenie. Plenty of them around!
It would be good if he was comfortably off, too — because I'm not. If we wanted to go nice places, he'd probably have to pay most of the time. It also doesn't seem likely that some reasonably well-heeled fellow of the right vintage would suddenly settle in this beautiful backwater, let alone someone also looking for a companion rather than a lover. (Men always want the sex, don't they?)
Well, I've only just reached this point. Now that I have, perhaps someone will show up. I've come across a couple of nice men — not interested or not available, but at least it indicates that there are some possibilities out there.
I could do some magick — but I kinda want it just to happen. If it does.
(Thanks, LJ, for being my sanctuary. I wouldn't share this on facebook or blogspot!)
Comments from LJ:
From: captlychee.
Well, you're a dab hand with an arresting title, I'll say that! Would you be interested in Mick Malthouse? He has most of the qualities you're after and he may be looking for a job at the end of the year...
satyapriya did amazingly well out of a WorldCon a few years back, so you could think about that.
Sadly, you're a bit old for my dad, who likes a good decade or so separation in age. Otherwise, it might be an interesting matchup. At the very least you could get him off the rugby and back to where his loyalties ought to lie :)
From: snakypoet
Ha ha, many thanks for the helpful suggestions.
Mick Malthouse is rather good-looking, I've always thought, but I can't actually afford a paid companion. (And I fear he might be less attractive in other ways.)
I wouldn't even contemplate a Rugby follower, even if he would contemplate me. I do have my standards!
Perhaps I should dye my hair red again and learn belly dance, if I am to emulate Satya. Actually I could have had a similarly interesting time during poetry month in Texas a few years back, had I chosen to, but wasn't in need then. Better start saving for travel, eh? But I was rather hoping for someone closer to home.
Thanks for making me laugh, anyway.
Date: 2014-07-19 08:30 am (UTC)
From: satyapriya
Let me know if you want go the red hair/Worldcon route. I can point you at the right sort of henna, and while Loncon might be too soon(London in August), there's always Spokane next year, and in September we'll know the one in 2016(options are Kansas and Beijing). And we'll have to get at least two witches to do magick before you go.
Date: 2014-07-19 11:30 am (UTC)
From: snakypoet
But Satya dear, don't you remember that your attempt to teach me belly dance (admittedly a long time ago now) indicated a lack of aptitude?
From: satyapriya)
Well, the cards have been saying that someone's coming.
I don't mean a lover. I'm still in love with Andrew. Also I'm 74; lust is not the matter of urgency it once was. (Then too, I confess that my beautiful body might not be quite so enticing any more.)
I'd like a good friend to talk to. I have lots of very good friends to talk to, but I'd like a companion, someone to take a close interest in all my trivia (and I his) beyond the way girlfriends do. I mean of course someone with whom there could be the sort of mental intimacy there was with Andrew. I don't know if that's even possible.
And I'd like a nice, presentable man to go out with, and to take on visits to my friends. I think specifically of certain dear friends who used to ask Andrew and me to all their dinner parties as a matter of course. They still keep up the tradition of asking me on special occasions like xmas — but now they don't ask me to the same dinner parties as everyone else. They ask me in company with a certain single, impoverished elderly man they've known a long time. No they're not match-making; it's more that we are the charity cases and they lump us together. I don't think they are even aware of this — it would be more like, "Who can we have over with X? Oh yes, Y. Kill two birds with one stone."
Mean of me to think so, perhaps, when they are so kind as to feed me sumptuously, and they too are there as part of the conversation. (Just as well; their other guest and I have nothing much to say to each other.) I would never say a word to them about it, because they have truly been good friends in many ways over the years, and still are. But it would be so nice, next time they invite me, to ask, "May I bring a friend?" and turn up with some highly presentable gentleman in tow!
I wouldn't want someone to move in with me. If I can't have Andrew, I like my autonomy. I've always preferred to be with men who go off and do their own thing fairly often and leave me to do mine. (That was what was so good about being with another writer. Andrew and I could go off and do our own things under the same roof, every day.) It'd be nice, though, if he lived fairly close, so we wouldn't have to make expeditions to spend time together.
And of course we'd have to have lots of interests and values in common. How many shamans / poets of the right age group can I expect to find in a small town? If they were here, I'd more than likely know them already. Perhaps I'll just settle for a left-wing greenie. Plenty of them around!
It would be good if he was comfortably off, too — because I'm not. If we wanted to go nice places, he'd probably have to pay most of the time. It also doesn't seem likely that some reasonably well-heeled fellow of the right vintage would suddenly settle in this beautiful backwater, let alone someone also looking for a companion rather than a lover. (Men always want the sex, don't they?)
Well, I've only just reached this point. Now that I have, perhaps someone will show up. I've come across a couple of nice men — not interested or not available, but at least it indicates that there are some possibilities out there.
I could do some magick — but I kinda want it just to happen. If it does.
(Thanks, LJ, for being my sanctuary. I wouldn't share this on facebook or blogspot!)
Comments from LJ:
From: captlychee.
Well, you're a dab hand with an arresting title, I'll say that! Would you be interested in Mick Malthouse? He has most of the qualities you're after and he may be looking for a job at the end of the year...
satyapriya did amazingly well out of a WorldCon a few years back, so you could think about that.
Sadly, you're a bit old for my dad, who likes a good decade or so separation in age. Otherwise, it might be an interesting matchup. At the very least you could get him off the rugby and back to where his loyalties ought to lie :)
From: snakypoet
Ha ha, many thanks for the helpful suggestions.
Mick Malthouse is rather good-looking, I've always thought, but I can't actually afford a paid companion. (And I fear he might be less attractive in other ways.)
I wouldn't even contemplate a Rugby follower, even if he would contemplate me. I do have my standards!
Perhaps I should dye my hair red again and learn belly dance, if I am to emulate Satya. Actually I could have had a similarly interesting time during poetry month in Texas a few years back, had I chosen to, but wasn't in need then. Better start saving for travel, eh? But I was rather hoping for someone closer to home.
Thanks for making me laugh, anyway.
Date: 2014-07-19 08:30 am (UTC)
From: satyapriya
Let me know if you want go the red hair/Worldcon route. I can point you at the right sort of henna, and while Loncon might be too soon(London in August), there's always Spokane next year, and in September we'll know the one in 2016(options are Kansas and Beijing). And we'll have to get at least two witches to do magick before you go.
Date: 2014-07-19 11:30 am (UTC)
From: snakypoet
But Satya dear, don't you remember that your attempt to teach me belly dance (admittedly a long time ago now) indicated a lack of aptitude?
From: satyapriya)
Well, the cards have been saying that someone's coming.
